Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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