the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
