i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
