this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
