you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
