no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
