Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Randomize
