I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
