Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's the barista slut.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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