mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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