She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
