idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
