so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize