This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
