God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
