I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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