He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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