the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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