we're blogging at a bar
My brain says no but my pants say off.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
