it was like his penis was on wheels.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
