I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
