i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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