like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
