i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
