Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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