i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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