she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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