Cold hands, warm shart.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
