I hope mine doesn't look like that
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
