She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
