She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
