worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You are a genius and a whore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
