I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
