In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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