Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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