I got chris browned last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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