End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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