Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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