I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
