Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
