She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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