were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
