you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
