You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
