My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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