I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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