Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
