Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
