I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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