oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
