i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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