I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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