her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
