Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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