he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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