I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
