did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Vodka?
Forever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
