Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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