Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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