sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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