god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
