Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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