Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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