whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
