Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
