I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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