i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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