a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
