the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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