We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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