marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
