I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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