Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize