he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
