i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize