awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
