***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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