ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
