I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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