his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
