It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
