She's JV to your varsity
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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