dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
