You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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