why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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