I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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