Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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