my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
