Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
