He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
