you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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