3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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