Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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