so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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