i wish my penis had a tongue
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
