planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
