At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
