I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
