I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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