He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
