new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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