I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize