Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
